To my dearest friends...

 

Helping Strategy

In anticipation of witnessing in this delicate area, you should examine your attitudes toward the problem. If you are not objectively and genuinely able to offer God’s love and grace to the homosexual, you should refer the inquirer to another Christian.

Three situations are likely to arise:

The family member who has just learned that a loved one is a practicing homosexual and asks, “How can I live with this? What should I do?”

An individual who admits to being a practicing homosexual and seeks help. Frequently a homosexual will want to talk without revealing the problem, or will try to cover up. Sometimes the subject will be obliquely approached, such as, “I have this friend…”

A Christian who struggles with homosexual feelings temptations, but who does not engage in homosexual behavior.

If the Family Is Facing This Problem:

1.         If the caller is trying to deal with the homosexuality of a loved one, advise him or her to: Not panic, but ask God for the grace to accept the situation, however difficult.

2.         Keep the “love lines” open, we must love as God loves us all – in spite of what we struggle with.

3.         Avoid condemning or putting down. This only results in antagonism and loss of communication.

4.         On the other hand, don’t condone the homosexual practice or rationalize it. Don’t reinterpret the Bible in accommodation.

5.         Take a firm but loving stand with Scripture as he or she firmly and gently witnesses to the person involved, using the Bible as a sword, not a club.

6.         Commit the loved on to God in faith (Proverbs 3:5-6). God sometimes permits us to live through a crisis situation in order to sharpen our dependence on Him.

7.         Try not to live with bottled-up emotions. He or she might want to confide in a Christian friend and learn to share concerns and disappointments. A Christian prayer partner is a great resource.

8.         Be prepared to persevere with hope if the situation doesn’t change immediately.

If the Inquirer Is a Practicing Homosexual:

1.         The attitude of the helper must be tempered by love and understanding. Often you will be speaking to one who feels lonely, guilt-ridden, and rejected. Demonstrate a sympathetic, caring attitude without being patronizing. Be prepared to dispel the “smoke screens” the inquirer may throw up to hide the real reason for making contact. Do not be intimidated by accusations that “You don’t know what it’s like.” Do not begin your conversation by confronting the individual concerning the sinfulness of homosexual behavior. Opportunities for such discussion will emerge more naturally as you share “Steps to Peace with God” and various Scriptures.

2.         Try to win confidence by encouraging the inquirer: “I am glad to talk with you and will share anything I can to help.”

3.         At some convenient point in the conversation, even if you must suggest that other things be temporarily set aside, ask the inquirer if he or she has ever received Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Proceed with “Step to Peace with God,” page 11. Reassure the individual that, as in the case of anyone without Christ, the transforming experience of the new birth is the first step to spiritual health: “He restores my soul” (Psalm 23:3)

4.         If he or she responds affirmatively, pray for deliverance from bondage and for a renewal of mind through the Gospel. Encourage being willing to let God change some things in his or her life, whatever the inconvenience and discomfort.

5.         Stress the importance of reading and studying God’s Word. It is the source of our knowledge of God and His ways with us. No one can learn to think God’s thoughts apart from the Bible.

6.         Encourage the inquirer to establish new relationships after breaking with former associations. This can best be done by becoming part of a Bible-teaching church where friendships can be established with Christians. Sometimes a singles group is available.

7.         For ongoing help, encourage the inquirer to seek professional counseling with a Christian psychologist or a qualified pastor.

If the Inquirer Claims to Be a Christian:

We must realize that many Christians struggle with homosexual attractions, and some yield to temptation.

1.         An attitude of love and compassion is needed. Determine to be a patient listener until you have the inquirer’s story.

2.         If indicated, share “Steps to Peace with God” in order to determine if the person has ever truly received Christ as personal Savior and Lord.

3.         If you encounter resistance, or if the person tries to justify his or her lifestyle, patiently but firmly present the teaching of Scripture on the subject. Ask how he or she can reconcile homosexual behavior with Bible teaching. No amount of rationalization will change the fact that Scripture condemns such behavior. He or she must recognize it as wrong and as sin. Confessing it as such before God and turning from its practice offers the only real hope for rehabilitation.

4.         Encourage reading and studying the Bible. Assimilating God’s Word will result in a “renewing of the mind.” As thought patterns change, behavior and lifestyle will follow suit.

5.         Help him or her distinguish between sexual orientation (unchosen feelings / attractions) and sinful behavior (willful lusts / acts). Many homosexuals feel condemned by God simply for their feelings and temptations.

6.         Recommend identifying with a dynamic Bible-teaching church for Christian fellowship, studying the Bible, learning to pray, and worshiping and witnessing.

7.         Encourage seeking additional help from a Christian professional counselor or pastor.

NOTE: Encourage homosexuals and their families to also contact Exodus International, a worldwide network of Christian organizations which minister to all those impacted by homosexuality.

To my dearest friends...

 

Background

Homosexuals are people who are sexually attracted to those of their own sex. While the term gay commonly refers to homosexuals of both genders, female homosexuals are often referred to as “lesbians.”

Homosexuality is a very complex problem and one that is greatly misunderstood by a large segment of society. Homosexuals defy stereotyping; not all homosexuals are effeminate man or masculine women, although some do manifest such characteristics. Homosexuality is practiced at all levels of society. A significant number of homosexuals are found among those who hold responsible positions in business, industry, the professions, and government.

Although there is increasing militancy among homosexuals, resulting in an open defense of their lifestyle and the formation of gay organizations and campaigns for gay rights, millions among them still live a double life due to societal pressure and intolerance. Fear of discovery becomes an obsession and a heavy load of guilt may be carried by those who realize the moral implications of the practice.

The serious student of the Bible cannot dismiss homosexual behavior simply as an alternate lifestyle. Nor can it be argued that homosexuals were “born this way” or that such behavior is an illness. While God does not love the homosexual any less than He does anyone else, such behavior is a departure from the natural order of His creation. Though most homosexuals feel that they have not chosen their sexual orientation, the fact remains that many have responded improperly to this orientation; it is this response which must be dealt whit in the light of Scripture.

The Bible speaks clearly of what constitutes a proper sexual relationship:

l       “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24)

l       “As for you, be fruitful and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth and multiply in it” (Genesis 9:7)

l       “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:3-4, NIV)

These Scriptures show the dual purpose of the sexual relationship: It seals the marriage bond between a man and a woman, and it perpetuates the human race. The family, consisting of father, mother and children, is at the very heart of God’s established order. It is the basis for society, and families are the greatest strength of any society. (One should not assume, however, that every person is going to marry and reproduce. Celibacy and singleness also have a part in God’s order.)

There are also many Scriptures that show God’s disapproval of homosexual behavior. The Bible includes homosexual behavior in lists of sins along with such things as adultery, fornication, prostitutions, and lust. It is not to be singled out as a “special sin,” especially offensive to God beyond any other sin. God deals with all sin through the cross. On the other hand, however, homosexual behavior should not be singled out for special leniency either. It is only as we are willing to confess our sin that God is able to deal with it.

[Billy Graham comments: “No matter how we may rationalize the practice of homosexuality as a viable alternative to heterosexual relationships. Roman 1 makes it clearly this product of a reprobate mind. By making this statement, I am not exonerating all heterosexual activity. As Dr. Harold Lindsell has put it, “The immoral heterosexual is neither better nor worse than the practicing homosexual. Both come under divine judgement”… When we come to Christ, we are called upon to repent of our sins and no longer to practice the ungodly patterns of living we may have enjoyed before.]

The church cannot condone the lifestyle of homosexuals nor encourage their involvement as unrepentant sinners in the life of the church. On the other hand, however, is should not try to pretend that the problem does not exist. It should address the problem honestly and realistically, in love and understanding. It is not God’s will that anyone should be bound by homosexuality. His grace is sufficient to bring victory to those who are willing to submit this area to Him. The church needs to take initiative in encouraging the homosexual with this message.

It is a source of encouragement that many homosexuals report being transformed through the power of Gospel, even though some of them may never be completely free from homosexual tendencies or temptation. Paul, in writing to people who had been involved in homosexual behavior and may other types of sin, says, “There was a time when some of you were just like that but now your sins are washed away, and you are set apart for God, and he has accepted you because of what the Lord Jesus Christ and the Spirit of our God have done for you” (1 Corinthians 6:11, TLB).

 

我和mac都很晚回家，他还是一进门就做到电脑面前，我突然很生气：每天连睡觉只有8，9个小时和他在一起，那我们就应该珍惜晚上入睡前的1，2个小时，聊天，灵休，或是一起做些事情。可是他的电脑总是有处理不完的事，他应该只需要和电脑一起过日子吧。。。我越来越恼火，本来计划好的读圣经、祷告的心情全都没有了，只有埋怨。。。

 

可是感谢上帝，因为你怜悯我的软弱，知道我刚硬顽梗的心其实很需要你。你用圣经的话来提醒我：妻子是丈夫的帮手。我的责任是帮助我的丈夫成长，照顾他的生活，而不是要求他来体贴我的需要。这样的念头，让我突然想起：自己总是觉得很爱mac，已经爱到“I can't live without you”的地步，但仔细想想这句话，是从自我为中心出发的：你要存在，“我”才活得很好；你不存在了，“我”就活不下去。这不是神所喜悦的想法，神要我们有舍己的爱，就是牺牲的爱，妻子对丈夫，就要全心全意、委身的爱：我的生命，就是神造了来，在世上，帮助我的丈夫，照顾他的冷暖，让他成为与神同行，荣耀神的基督徒。

 

我开始流泪了，感谢上帝来柔软我的心。总是那么容易活在罪里，以自我为中心，心里愚顽刚硬，埋怨神，不满神赐给我的丈夫。

我要满心感谢，因为上帝将mac赐给我，他的一切（刚强与软弱），我都要感谢上帝，因为他是神所赐。